From AOL News & CNN

(July 20) — The NAACP said today it was “snookered” into condemning former black USDA official Shirley Sherrod after seeing a partial video clip in which Sherrod made comments about not helping a white farmer as much as she should have.

The civil rights group’s reversal came after Sherrod said her comments had been taken out of context and the farmer’s wife came to her defense. Eloise Spooner said Sherrod had helped save her family farm and is “a friend for life.”

Spooner told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that Sherrod was not being treated fairly. “I said, ‘That ain’t right. They have not treated her right,’ ” she told the newspaper.

Sherrod said the U.S. Department of Agriculture didn’t know the whole story and succumbed to political pressure in forcing her to step down. She resigned Monday as the agency’s rural development director for Georgia after a clip of the speech was posted online by conservative outlets BigGovernment.com and later Fox News.

In a poor-quality clip from a speech she reportedly gave March 27 at an NAACP Freedom Fund banquet, she talks about working with a farmer, identified by CNN as Roger Spooner, who was condescending to her.

“What he didn’t know while he was taking all that time trying to show me he was superior to me was, I was trying to decide just how much help I was going to give him,” Sherrod says in the video, as the crowd laughs.

“I was struggling with the fact that so many black people have lost their farmland, and here I was faced with having to help a white person save their land. So I didn’t give him the full force of what I could do. I did enough.”

But Eloise Spooner, 82, said Sherrod’s efforts were good enough for her. “She gave enough that it helped us save our farm,” she told CNN in an interview today.

Sherrod told the Journal-Constitution early today that she was relating an event that happened 24 years ago, before she worked for the federal government. And she denied she is racist.

Sherrod, 62, told the paper the short clip left out the rest of the story, when she says she eventually worked with the farmer to help him avoid foreclosure, and became friendly with him and his wife. At the time, Sherrod worked with the Georgia field office for the Federation of Southern Cooperative/Land Assistance Fund.

“And I went on to work with many more white farmers,” she told the paper. “The story helped me realize that race is not the issue, it’s about the people who have and the people who don’t. When I speak to groups, I try to speak about getting beyond the issue of race.”

In an interview with the newspaper today, Eloise Spooner said she spoke to Sherrod on the phone today and will publicly support her. “She helped us and we’re going to help her,” she said. She later told CNN that the government “didn’t do the right thing” in forcing Sherrod out.

The USDA condemned her comments in the clip.

“There is zero tolerance for discrimination at USDA, and I strongly condemn any act of discrimination against any person,” Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said in a statement carried by several news outlets. “We have been working hard through the past 18 months to reverse the checkered civil rights history at the department and take the issue of fairness and equality very seriously.”

The NAACP initially supported Vilsack’s decision to accept Sherrod’s resignation.

“We are appalled by her actions, just as we are with abuses of power against farmers of color and female farmers,” NAACP President Benjamin Jealous said in a statement.

But the group retracted its criticism late this afternoon. It said in a statement that it was changing its stance on Sherrod after viewing the whole tape, talking to the former official and listening to the farmers involved in the story, who “personally credit her with helping to save the family farm.”

“We have come to the conclusion we were snookered by Fox News and tea party activist Andrew Breitbart into believing she had harmed white farmers because of racial bias,” Jealous said in the statement.

Asked this morning on CNN why she didn’t tell the USDA the rest of the story, Sherrod said, “I did say that. But they, for some reason, the stuff that Fox and the tea party does is scaring the administration.

“I told them, ‘Get the whole tape’ … and look at how I tell people we have to get beyond race and start working together,” she said, adding later: “I tried to fight, but I didn’t have any support from the United States Department of Agriculture.”

Her resignation came after the NAACP passed a resolution condemning what it called racism within the tea party movement.

With all the coverage of Lebron James decision, the Oscar Grant cased just slipped into media obscurity with out much more than a peep. Former BART police officer Johannes Mehserle was found guilty of involuntary man slaughter, the charge packing the least amount of heat. For most cases, involuntary man slaughter carries a sentence of 2-4 years, however extra time can be added on because of the circumstance surround this crime. But I got to ask the question, was this really justice for Oscar Grant? Mehserle defense was that he thought he pulled out his taser and shot the unarmed, hand cuffed 23 year old man in the back. After only six hours the juror came back with the verdict. Involuntary manslaughter sounds like a pretty light sentence in the context of the situation. A young man lost his life because a trainer professional that is suppose to keep the peace, “accidentally” grabbed for this gun.

Small groups of people gathered in Los Angeles and Oakland to listen to the verdict. There was no civil unrest (which I think some news folks were hoping for) no violence, just a irie silence of shock and a feeling of what now.

Don’t know about Oscar grant…check out the story below

Update Video Oscar Brown:

Hey BlackIntel, I read this article that had me up in arms… so I’ll let you take a look at what I wrote in response and the original article. Folks let me know what you think about this issue, I still think I’m right on this point… but I’m open to criticism.

Dear Editor,

Today I read an article titled Rape and Chastity by Juilana Norwoods and found myself a bit shocked by the end. To suggest that a women’s bodies should be the subject to a device that inserted into them causes harm to anyone entering her body as a way to detour from pregnancy is ludicrous. There is no “responsible age” that makes you a good parent. Good parenting starts with the person within and the social determinants in which his or her environment provides them. What Norwoods’ suggested, is what we in the reproductive justice world like to call New Eugenics; as in when society chooses who should be a parent and when. A woman’s body is hers and hers alone. It does not belong to society or should it be. What are young women need is education about HIV/STD’s ( which by the way can be transmitted through oral sex too, which the “chastity belt” does not prevent) as well as policies that promote health and well being, not a new age chastity belt. This article plays into the deafening message globally that tells women that their bodies do not belong to themselves. I would hope in the future that we can get past looking at women’s bodies in the Hottentot Venus concept and or vessels in which babies are born, and more as equal beings that are capable of making smart decisions about our sexual health. Instead of trying to fix the symptoms lets look at the root causes, why are young people having sex at younger ages… and better yet, why do we have a society that enables and teaches men that it’s ok to rape?

Here is the original article from  www.ourweekly.com… just as a heads up it was in the op-ed section

Rape is a tremendous problem around the world, especially in South Africa, where the rate of forcible rape is the highest in the world.

Studies done by the National Institute of Criminal Rehabilitation reported that nearly 500,000 rapes occur in South Africa each year. They speculated that a woman is raped every 17 seconds.

It’s every two minutes in the U.S., but either way the thought is still daunting.

In an effort to combat the staggering number of sexual assaults in South Africa, one physician, Dr. Sonnet Ehlers has created an anti-rape condom. Rape-aXe is worn internally by the woman similar to how she would wear a tampon. The condom has tiny blades on its inside which latch onto a man’s penis as he tries to force penetration. The device is extremely painful to the man and must be surgically removed by a doctor. The more the assailant tries to remove it, the tighter it latches on and the more pain he will experience. The potential rapist is also unable to walk or urinate while it is engaged, forcing him to seek medical help, and likely, arrest as well.

To some, it sounds extreme, and Dr. Ehlers has received much criticism for the invention. The main arguments against Rape-aXe are that it gives women a false sense of security and more seriously, once a rapist is in pain and realizes he has been branded by the product, it might increase the likelihood that he will murder the woman.

Dr. Ehlers is confident that the latter will not happen. Because the man is forced to seek immediate medical help, he is already going to get arrested for rape. Killing the woman will only increase his sentence. In addition, because the pain is so horrific, a woman should have an opportunity to escape.

Many people are calling the invention “medieval, a modern-day chastity belt.”

Dr. Ehlers welcomes the criticism and believes her product will do much more help than harm, and that women in South Africa are already feeling safer and more empowered.

While the device is used as a protection against a horrific crime in South Africa, consider the idea of using something slightly modified in the United States to enforce chastity?

Would it not beneficial to have young women everywhere wearing this type of device? This would not only prevent rape, but simultaneously combat the ever-increasing rates of HIV/AIDS, STDs, and teen pregnancy. What if all teens wore some sort of “chastity belt” until they reach a responsible age, voted on by the nation?

It may seem a little as if this is stepping on the toes of free-will here, but let’s take this into consideration: You can’t drive, or get a job at most places until 16. Not until 18 are you allowed to vote, buy cigarettes, or go to war for your country. At 21, you are given the right to drink alcohol.

And you can’t even rent a car, at most places, until you are 25.

But technically, you can have a child; bring another life into this world; have total control over another human being at age 11.

Does that sound ludicrous to anyone else but me?

You don’t need your parent’s permission to have a child with your boyfriend, but you do need their permission to marry him. Honestly, it’s laughable, because it’s insane.

We have stricter regulations on the things that don’t matter nearly as much. Why is there no “responsible age” for having sex and raising a child, when restrictions could be key in eliminating teen pregnancy, and hopefully over time, decrease the transmission of STDs, and HIV/AIDS?

To find the original article

by: Prentice Powell

Justice at playground

All it takes for me is one look at this picture of him looking at me….

You can look back at all the things you think aren’t fair and things you feel you don’t deserve.All the bad things you’ve done.All the coulda woulda shoulda’s.Single parenting.Bias Court System.Custody Battles. The Joys and stresses parenthood can bring.Milk.Diapers.Waking up every two hours.The nights he cant get comfortable because he doesn’t feel good, so you cant sleep either.The web cam chats because you have no other option. Or whatever the case may be in your own personal situation. And you can sit there..Cry, get depressed, pity yourself and ask God “why me?”
Or you can get your ass up and do something about it. You can work THAT much harder at attempting to attain the things you KNOW you deserve. You can stop feeling sorry for yourself and begin to be proud of yourself for setting the blueprint for your child/children through your own life. You can make sure that your LIFE is a reflection of how much you love and care about your child. So that when they get older, NO ONE can tell them that you didn’t do everything in your power to lead by example.

Now granted, you WILL make mistakes along the way. But its all about learning from them and bouncing back from adversity. Not living in fear. Fear of how powerful and successful you can be. Fear of not getting the results you want if you put in the work to obtain them. Having the courage to step out on faith and realize that if you dont get it done for yourself, NO ONE will do it for you. And when you have someone else to live for…who needs you…if it doesnt come naturally, you MUST learn how to put them first.
Do not allow the radio to raise your child. Do not let the media raise your child. 12 year old girls in low cut jeans and sidekick and an I Phone…..14 year old boys who KNOW they know everything.We wonder why so many youth think they’re grown at 10.Its because we treat them like they are.We dress them to look like Lil Wayne at 2. We place high value on material objects.If your 4 year old knows how to play X BOX better than you but cant tell you the letters on the buttons thats a problem.

Let your kid be a kid.

Let him know what its like to WORK for those Jordans rather than to EXPECT them.

My son wears shoes with winnie the pooh and Elmo on them because he is a CHILD.(and quite honestly im not spending $60 on some shoes that will only fit him for a few weeks)He loves to wear his Spiderman ( he calls him “maaaaaaaaaaaaan”lol) backpack full of pull ups, wipes and his sippy cup because he is learning that if things belong to you, you are responsible for keeping up with them.

I say the things that I say, participate in these documentaries and write these thoughts down to document my love for Justice.So that in his darkest moment, His father with do nothing but shed light. I pray that my son will find inspiration through his daddies life.

Lets instill the values that were, and were not given to us in our children so they do not go through the same situations that we did. Lets allow our kids to be KIDS. But we cant do that, until WE start acting like adults.

I pray that inspiration finds you to succeed and challenge things that you do not find right in the world.

Thank you for reading my random thoughts.

father and son

From the Black AIDS Institute

Concurrency. Outside of social science circles, this wonky word doesn’t have much meaning. But increasingly, scientists are taking a hard look at the connection between concurrent relationships and the spread of HIV (and other sexually transmitted infections) as they seek to understand rising HIV rates among Black Americans.

In plain English, partnership concurrency means having more than one relationship at the same time. Studies show that, for a number of reasons, including lower marriage rates, African Americans are more likely than people of other races to engage in overlapping liaisons.

In many cases, partnership concurrency looks like infidelity. Concurrency is Jesse James sleeping with his tattooed mistress while married to Sandra Bullock, or the married John Edwards getting his lover, Rielle Hunter, pregnant.

But concurrent relationships aren’t always cheating. In his new study, University of Iowa professor Anthony Paik, Ph.D., looked at nonexclusive relationships like hookups and “friends with benefits.” He found that one-third of sexual relationships in his Chicago study were not monogamous, and that people who were hooking up or having casual sex were more likely to have overlapping partnerships than those who were dating one person.

“Concurrency might be a person who is having sex with a friend multiple times but also has another sexual partnership,” says Dr. Paik, whose study has sparked headlines like “The Downside of F Buddy.”

“These partnerships can speed the spread of sexually transmitted diseases,” Dr. Paik says. “With sequential partnerships, the disease has to wait before it can spread. Between relationships, for example, a bacterial infection can be treated. With overlapping relationships, the disease doesn’t have to wait.”

Concurrent relationships can also look like a very long breakup in which other sexual partners are involved. According to research by University of Chicago sociologist Edward O. Laumann, Ph.D.–co-author, with Dr. Paik and several others, of the 2004 book The Sexual Organization of the City–African American couples, when they break up, have a longer-than-average period of overlapping relationships. For Whites, Dr. Paik has said, the interval lasts just over a week; for Blacks it’s months and months longer. A lot can happen during that period of breaking up and getting back together, or never really breaking up and yet sleeping with new people.

“Sometimes it’s hard for people to untie themselves from another person, and having a new partner makes it easier,” explains Dr. Paik. “While one relationship is ending, another is starting. That counts as concurrency, especially from a disease perspective. The disease doesn’t care who’s breaking up with whom. What’s happening provides a pathway for it to spread from one person to another person.”

Conditions in Black America provide the ideal incubator for HIV, since our high infection rate intersects with large numbers of concurrent relationships, along with condom usage too inconsistent to offer sufficient protection, given the widespread prevalence of the disease. That combination makes any unprotected sexual encounter for us particularly risky, even one–say, with a good friend–that may seem especially safe.

This collision of factors has produced a perfect storm in Washington, D.C. According to a much-discussed survey (PDF) released last year, 4 percent of Black District residents and 7 percent of Black men there have tested HIV-positive–a higher rate than in many parts of Africa. The majority of newly infected D.C. residents contracted the disease through heterosexual sex.

Concurrency has clearly contributed to the spread of HIV in the District. Nearly 50 percent of people surveyed in its hardest-hit areas reported having overlapping sexual partners in the last 12 months. Most were not aware of either their own HIV status or that of their partner, and the vast majority said that they did not use a condom the last time they had sex with their main partner, even though they were aware that the relationship might not be monogamous. ?

This deadly mix explains why a Black woman, for example, who doesn’t “sleep around” might contract HIV, while someone else engaged in frequent episodes of unprotected sex might not become infected.

“In some areas of Chicago, she would be very likely to come into contact with someone who is infected,” Dr. Paik says. “It’s not about promiscuity; it’s how the disease has percolated in her cluster of sexual contacts. Someone in rural Iowa could be engaging in frequent unprotected hookups, but the risk is lower, because there’s not a lot of disease in that population.”

Dr. Paik says he tries to look at HIV/AIDS and other STDs through the lens of science without placing blame or making value judgments. The more experts and the rest of us understand these diseases and how they are spread, the better we can all combat them.

“People make their own decisions,” he says. “But we encourage them to be aware of the potential for sexual concurrency and take appropriate precautions to avoid sexually transmitted infections.”

From the Black Aids Institute site, written by: Linda Villarosa is program director of the journalism department at the City College of New York and is contributing to a documentary about HIV/AIDS in Black America.

By: James Harris

One of the most anticipated albums in years drops tomorrow June 15, 2010.  Drake releases his first studio album, Thank Me Later, and as I predicted the critics have gone on a rampage.  There are mixed reviews over the album some saying that it has “let them down” or that it “didn’t own up to the expectations”.  The question is did Drake even have a chance to meet expectations with this album?  He’s been the hottest rapper in the game for the last year and a half, everyone and their grandmother has been waiting for this album, he’s been deemed the golden child of hip hop, and even greats like Jay-Z have co-signed him.  That’s like Barry Sanders saying some high school kid is going to be the best running back ever to play the game of football.  How do you own up to that?  What did people expect from Drake?  A friend of mine told me he thought that Drake’s album should have been more raw and uncut for a rookie album but instead it came off confident and more laid back.  People are failing to realize that Drake isn’t some unpolished rookie rapper off the streets of Toronto he’s been making music, he’s been in the spotlight, and he’s made money in the past.  He put out a mixtape that sounded like an album, booked a nationwide tour off that mixtape, and got signed off that mixtape. So Far Gone was the 5^th highest selling rap album of 2009 and it was only a mixtape!  Drake’s singles “Best I Ever Had” and “Successful” as well as his feature on “Every Girl” were smash hits of last year.  Bottom-line Drake has already had his rookie year we just didn’t recognize it.  Don’t get it twisted though Thank Me Later is still extremely introspective and raw in its own way but Drake has matured with his success and you can hear it in the lyrics and song choices.

In waiting for the album the only thing I worried about was that Drake was going to stray away from the format of So Far Gone and try something off the wall that fans were not going to accept.  Luckily he didn’t he stuck with what works and put together a quality album with great production and features that added to (but didn’t overpower) the project.  The album spans the emotional spectrum from victory to heartbreak in the 14 track playlist.  Drake allows the listener into his world of fortune and fame and the issues that come with it in “Fireworks” where he worries that his success will change relationships with his closest friends. Tracks like “Karaoke” and “The Resistance” show his internal struggle with trying not to change as he continues to grow in the spotlight.  The cocky more confident Drake comes out in tracks like his single “Over” and “Up all Night (ft. Nicki MInaj)”.  Drake holds his own on tracks with features by heavy weights such as Jay-Z, T.I., Jeezy, and label mate Lil Wayne.  Even though it seems that people were expecting Drake to jump out of their iPods in a “f@ckin red jacket and some zippers” and perform the album as a hologram in order for him to meet their expectations I personally am happy with the album. So I’ll thank Drake now for good music.  Album drops tomorrow go get it.

Favorite Tracks:

Fireworks, Show Me A Good Time, Light Up (ft. Jay-Z), Miss Me (ft. Lil Wayne), Thank Me Now

Tracklist

1. Fireworks (featuring Alicia Keys)
2. Karaoke
3. The Resistance
4. Over
5. Show Me a Good Time
6. Up All Night (featuring Nicki Minaj)
7. Fancy (featuring T.I. and Swizz Beatz)
8. Shut It Down (featuring The Dream)
9. Unforgettable (featuring Young Jeezy)
10. Light Up (featuring Jay-Z)
11. Miss Me (featuring Lil Wayne)
12. Cece’s Interlude
13. Find Your Love
14. Thank Me Now

Speaking with liberal radio show host Bill Press, Clyburn questioned Greene’s improbable victory (Greene had no campaign signs, no website, and was largely invisible in the lead-up to Tuesday’s primary) and said that his candidacy warranted an investigation by the U.S. Attorney’s office.

“There were some real shenanigans going on in the South Carolina primary,” Clyburn said of Tuesday’s race. “I don’t know if he was a Republican plant; he was someone’s plant.”

Clyburn said the circumstances of Greene’s entry and eventual upset of the race were baffling.

“What is an unemployed guy doing paying $10,000 to run for the United States Senate? That just doesn’t add up,” Clyburn said of Greene, an unemployed military veteran who somehow came up with the $10,400 filing fee and decided to use it to mount an unlikely bid against conservative champion, Sen. Jim Demint. Greene ended up taking 59 percent of the vote despite his relative anonymity.

Clyburn went on to say that a U.S. attorney should examine the possibility that his limited campaign was improperly funded by outside political interests.

“I would hope the U.S. attorney down there would look at this,” Clyburn said. “I think there’s some federal laws being violated in this race…Somebody gave him that $10,000 and he who took it should be investigated, and he who gave it should be investigated.”

The South Carolina Democratic party asked Greene to withdraw his Democratic nomination on Wednesday after it came out that he was facing a felony obscenity charge after allegedly showing inappropriate pictures to a college student last fall.

UPDATE:

Clyburn gave an interview to Talking Points Memo later Thursday and pushed the issue further, saying that a potential probe by the U.S. Attorney’s office should extend to two other African-American Democrats whom he believes may also be party impostors with ulterior motives.

“The party’s choice in the 1st Congressional district lost. The party’s choice for U.S. Senate lost. Sounds like a pattern to me,” Clyburn told Talking Points Memo.

Apart from Greene, Clyburn alleged that Gregory Brown, who mounted an unsuccessful campaign against Clyburn for the 6th Congressional seat, and Ben Frasier, who triumphed over state Democratic party-backed candidate Robert Burton to become the nominee for the 1st Congressional district, were also plants.

Asked by Talking Points Memo about Clyburn’s accusations, Burton campaign manager Ann Beser said that something was “radically wrong.”

From TPM:

Beser said that since election night the Burton campaign has been doing precinct tallies and has seen numbers that far surpass what turnout had expected to be, including all-white precincts where Greene beat Senate candidate Victor Rawl and Frasier beat Burton. Both Rawl and Burton are white. “None of it makes sense,” she said.

Read the whole report here.

Now that we’re grown and have graduated, we can seriously ask “What the hell were all those unnecessary college courses for?” I mean for real, a journalism major taking micro economics. What was that class about anyway? If it wasn’t for my math genius best friend I would have NEVER passed. Can anyone tell me what micro economics is now? Smh. The government just sucked all of my little monies.

Ugh money… government… school. How many of you have begin paying back on your student loans? Crickets aye? Well neither have I so don’t feel bad. I wish I could but it just doesn’t seem more important then the mortgage, car note or even my credit card bill. Am I doing the right thing by pushing and pushing the deferment or are my interests adding up and I’m too dumb to realize?

I mean I know I should pay it and I think that the more I push it the more interest accrue and if I don’t pay it will go on my credit but what else should I and millions like me know? Somebody… anybody? Maybe I should have paid attention in micro economics after all. I still have the book because the bookstore wouldn’t buy it back. Let me wipe the dust off and school myself real quick before I’m in backdoor debt.

In case you had not googled the word yet, Wikipedia & Dictionary defines Microeconomics as ‘a branch of economics that studies how the individual parts of the economy, the household and the firms, make decisions to allocate limited resources, typically in markets where goods or services are being bought and sold. Microeconomics examines how these decisions and behaviors affect the supply and demand for goods and services, which determines prices, and how prices, in turn, determine the supply and demand of goods and services. This is a contrast to macroeconomics, which involves the “sum total of economic activity, dealing with the issues of growth, inflation, and unemployment.”‘

Students take advantage of all of your classes. There is something to learn from everyone, every experience and every class.

Love,
The Editor
Aerial

By Angela Hughes

Throughout our lives, we are constantly seeking inner peace through the guise of happiness. Whether it’s through excelling academically, constructing a solidified familial unit, obtaining a career that brings both monetary gain and fulfillment, or purchasing the most magnificent house, car or clothing; we have always been led to believe that the latter is the way to acquiring true happiness. If one were to take a step back and analyze what made them happy, they would notice an interesting pattern: all of these things bring  a sense of temporary contentment.

Society has coerced us into believing that many of the things we gain externally can fulfill us internally. This is a seriously flawed, yet widely accepted, ideology in that the result of obtaining these materialistic possessions does, in fact, not allow one to maintain a state of happiness. The more you acquire, the more you have and the more you want. This way of thinking can also hinder one from acquiring true happiness because it doesn’t allow room for one to unify with others and be selfless. It will always only be about you.

We have allowed the divisive, conflict-ridden social constraints of race, religion, economic status and gender to divide humanity. When we are divided, there is always a quest to prove who is better and superior to the other, a type of social engineering if you will, which in turn results in the acquisition of obtaining material items to make an individual feel important, and ultimately happy.

“How do we stray from this mentality?”, One may ask. The answer lies within you. One must experience personal growth to be truly happy. Taking the time to self-reflect and learn about one’s likes and dislikes, understanding one’s own personality, can lead to fulfillment in life. The shedding of one’s reservations about another group of people can result in gaining perspective. Listening to others when they speak, absorbing and accepting ideas other than one’s own is also vital to this process.

Throughout our lives, we are constantly seeking inner peace through the guise of happiness, yet we refuse to acknowledge that no materialistic possession, no relationship can bring that to you. One’s own happiness is in their hands. Inner peace and true happiness transcends the worth of any amount of money you have in your bank account. When you are focusing on your personal growth, cleansing yourself of the mental and physical things that impede it, all else will fall into place for you.

Humanity has strayed from this sense of self-worth. In order for humanity to properly heal, we must heal ourselves and that begins with us working on ourselves ensuring that we are permanately happy. We must go back to the way of our ancestors and the true state of our physical selves by becoming stronger, not only physically and mentally but spiritually as well. My mother always said that “ego” is an acronym for Easing God Out. We are a collective people. A people of beauty, great strength (in EVERY sense of the word), resilience and spirituality. When we work on ourselves, we are working toward making a better life for not only our community but for humanity.

Written by Nakia White

Lately, it seems that relationship issues have been in the forefront of everything: the news, magazines, blogs, and self help books. We have been inundated with celebrity cheating scandals, divorce, messy break ups, and the never ending curse of the American Black Woman who is doomed to stay single forever *cue Halle Berry’s endless rotation of failed relationships*

The issues of the single Black woman never really bothered me. Yes, I’m single. No, there are no options in sight. But I’ve always looked at life as there being more to it than marriage and birthing babies. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t mind landing a tall, strong chocolate drop of a man who fears God, kills spiders, doesn’t snore, and knows how to cook shrimp fettuccine, but if that doesn’t come, it isn’t the end of the world for me.

One thing that has stuck out to me in numerous face to face discussions and blogs about Black women and their propensity to being alone, is the claim from men that we are too picky. We want a man to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, drive a certain kind of car, and be involved in certain organizations. I feel like I am drowning in male proclamations that Black women are either too bourgie or too educated, which causes us to X out a number of Black men who may be good guys but don’t have the credentials that we’d prefer (Chilli’s ridiculous list of “must haves” comes to mind; Star Jones had a list too and look where it got her). A male friend of mine once said to me that “… many women are blocking their blessings, because instead of looking at a man’s heart, they’re looking at his wallet or his accomplishments.” According to some men, our standards are just too damn high.

I can admit to not being strict to the “He has to have gone to college, make X amount of dollars and drive such and such car” criteria, but I completely understand why a woman would prefer a degree wielding, professional, money making man. Times may be changing but most of us were still raised to seek a husband who will be able to provide for a family. It makes perfect sense to me that women want a strong protector and provider as potential husband and father of their future children.

What I can not understand, however, is a woman shouting from the rooftops that her man must be willing to take out her cornrows, oil her scalp, and help her wash her hair or her wig.

Let me explain.

Last month, Nightline aired the special “Face off” style debate, moderated by Vicky Mabrey, titled “Why Can’t A Successful Black Women Find a Man?” They assembled a random panel of self proclaimed experts and representatives, which included Steve Harvey and Hill Harper, both authors of relationship self help books focusing on Black couples; Jacque Reid, journalist and VERY desperate star of Vh1’s reality show “Let’s Talk About Pep”, and Sherri Shepherd, comedienne and current host of “The View” on ABC.

During this ground breaking discussion, Sherri Shepherd revealed to the 600 people in the audience in Atlanta, and viewers throughout the country, that she wants a man who will help her take out her cornrows and wash her wigs and her hair when she is tired.

Say what now, Sherri?

“I don’t think my standards are too high. I don’t think I’m asking for… um… anything that’s too out of the realm of reality… I would like a man that I can come home at night and say ‘ahhhh’, sit in your arms and you tell me it’s gonna be ok. I would like a man that’ll wash my wig. If you see my wig is dirty, can you wash my wig? Can you take the cornrows out of my hair?”

I laughed out loud when Sherri said this because she is a comedienne after all, and the real discussion had yet to begin, but I cringed when she said it again, this time on the panel while in the midst of the serious discussion of what women are looking for. I also grimaced when Jacque cosigned and the other women in the audience replied with a ferocious round of applause.

“No, I dont think our standards are too high. We should be looking for what we are [looking for]. For me, I’m like gosh, a man who loves God, a man that loves his family, a man that gets along with his mother, a man that can support me as I will support him…I got a five year old little boy, so a man that can come in and add to my son’s life, a man that doesn’t mind seeing me take my wig off and helping me take the cornrows out my hair. Is that too picky?”

When Jimi Izrael, another panelist and the author of The Denzel Principle, responded with a resounding “Yes!”, Sherri revealed that she was not joking.

“That ’s the most intimate part of what I do. Yes, my girlfriends will help me, but if I’m sitting at home with my man, maybe instead of playing the Xbox all day and I’ll play with you sometimes, I’ll play football with you, and you can help me take the cornrows out of my hair. I don’t see anything wrong with that kind of partnership.”<!–

Men who help us wash and style our hair? Is this what Black women want?

Now, I’m usually a ride or die feminista but after hearing this, the first thing that came to mind was “Oh Lawd, we gon’ be single forever!”

Maybe I have a warped opinion on the matter since I’ve had a former flame assist in taking out my braids. He also willingly helped me wash and condition my hair. The result was a first class ticket on the Hot Mess Express.

Yeah, it sounds great, and romantical and visions of Janet Jackson in her “Again” video may dance through your head, but unless your man has gone to cosmetology school or your hair is cut into a Caesar, he won’t really know HOW to wash your hair. There will be water everywhere, wet clothes, shampoo in your eyes, hair in your mouth… not a good situation. Trust me, ladies. If you’re too tired to wash your own hair, either do it yourself or go to the salon.

But even if he kinda sorta knows what he is doing, why is this a requirement for a relationship?  Your mate is supposed to be your mate… not your beautician or stylist. This is one area where I think some women go a little bit overboard. Let your man be a MAN.

Let me type that again:  LET YOUR MAN BE A MAN.

It burns my soul to the core to say it but in this case, Harvey, Harper, and Izrael are damn right. Some of us are too picky for our own good.

I think a lot of us get caught up into wanting our men to do things with us that should be reserved for other women.

“Wash my hair!”
“Come with me to see ‘Sex in the City 2′ during opening weekend!”
“Read this new Terry McMillan book so we can discuss it.”
“Watch this old episode of ‘Girlfriends’ when Joan and Toni end their friendship.”
“Come shopping with me.”
“Help me paint my nails!”

And if he doesn’t do those things, he’s not a good man, doesn’t love you, never does the things you want to do, never wants to compromise, and doesn’t want to build a successful relationship.

The real problem is that you, yes, YOU, either need a girlfriend or two…or three (or a gay male friend) who can engage in these activities with you, or you’re a control freak who doesn’t want your guy out of your sight.

In the first scenario, my suggestion is to get some friends. Get to know your new coworker, call up an old pal from your college years, reach out to someone your age who attends your church or is a member of one of your social organizations, or schedule lunch with one of your neighbors.

In the second scenario, I say…I have no idea what to say actually. Stop being controlling, maybe? Lighten up. Get counseling. Let go and let God. And learn that those kind of demands will wear down the strongest of men and eventually you’ll have no choice but to do it alone because he’ll be gone.

Now, if your man is offering to help with your hair, similar beauty regimens, or any other outrageous request that you have asked of him, then by all means, embrace it. But forcing something like that on to someone who would rather watch the Magic beat the Hawks, or play Madden, or barbecue in the front yard on a sunny day, is simply ridiculous. Men like to do manly things and I highly doubt that washing your hair is anywhere on his list.

Personally, if my future husband ever asks if he can help me with my hair, I’m going to suggest he go outside and be a man: “Go chop down a tree!” “Paint the roof!” “Wrestle a deer!” because he is obviously bored and needs something to do with his hands. My hair will not be on the agenda.

What say you: Are Black women really this picky? Do we need to lower our standards and re-evaluate our expectations just a tad?