“It is a well known fact that in our culture the shops; hair salons/braid spots and barbershops, are more than just places we go every two weeks or so to revive our ‘sexy.’ The shops are places where the sexes convene to gossip, discuss and debate. Where, in a panel like discussion, each generation represents their point of view on current events. Where many of us put a human face to the negative statistics that are plaguing our community. Statistics such as; rising numbers in single-parent households, increasing unemployment rates, leading the nation in new HIV cases and etcetera. We also get advice on almost every aspect of our lives, be it sound or unsound. The Shop, it is a fixture in every African-American community.”

I was introduced into the salon life at the early age of five.  It has remained a routine part of my existence ever since.  As any seasoned “salon-diva” knows, with a new stylist comes a new shop and new chatter.  Most of the things I have seen, learned, heard and discussed with in the salon walls have helped mold me into becoming the woman I am today.  Which, upon my last visit, has given me a very important question to ponder: “Are bitter women largely at fault for the increasing disembodiment of our men and women relations, by knowingly passing on their negativity towards our men to other women?”  I can hear the grunts of disgust from the women readers now. Before you blow off this blog, do me a favor, read on.

As I am engaging in the normal shop chat I share with the ladies, who are both relatively close to my age, unwed and single-parents; most of my close friends are men.  For the most part when girlfriends come to the shop they’re no problems, however recently that has not been the case.  For some reason one girlfriend just could not find it in her heart to like me; and before I could even finish my statement these, seemingly happy women, transformed before my eyes, verbally sparring with each other to be first to “educate” me.

“Men are animals, every man you meet wants to have sex with you!  They all cheat, no matter what you believe.  To them nothing is better than a new woman.  His girlfriend should not like you, and I would not like you either, it’s only a matter of time before he cheats on her and you will be the first option.”

The insults and stories kept coming, amid my vain attempts of being a positive voice of reason for “the brothers” I found myself being surrounded with the classic chat “n*ggas’ ain’t [expletive]!”  I left the shop shaken, shocked and just plain confused.  I understand that these women have come across some bad apples, but so does everyone, it is just the nature of relationships.  But what has made the majority of Black women so bitter? Even more important why are black women not realizing how this affects them in the long run?

“An even more alarming statistic is the increase in the number of both Black men and women who have never been married. Nearly 45 percent of Black men have never married and 42 percent of Black women have never married. More to the point, an increasing number of Black women will never get married. The percentage of Black women who are married declined from 62 percent to 31 percent between 1950 and 2002,” says Joy Bennett Kinnon in her article entitled “The shocking state of Black marriages: experts say many will never get married.”

This article goes on to list very important factors as to why this number is where it is, unemployment, drugs, the systemic incarceration of our community and the AIDS crisis.   While all of these are very heavy and damaging, I believe that more time should be put into exploring just how much the bitterness of our women aides these numbers, as well.  The bitter Black women are emasculating our men.  Accusing them of being nothing more than animals that can not control their sexual drive, the very thing that was depicted in the 1915 silent film “Birth of a Nation,” this film that horrifies and disgusts our race whenever it is viewed.

Now there are plenty of bad “brothers” out there; I am in no way denying this fact.  I have had my heart broken a few times myself.  I am merely wondering how does it help being bitter and chopping down every Black Man’s worth within relationship standards, besides leaving you alone.  Well maybe not alone, but dealing with a man that is not deserving of you just to be in a “relationship,” just to feel like you are still a contender for that “brass ring.” Or even worse settling for a man that thinks he is a “player,” checking his cell phones, cursing out “hoochies” and spying on a man at 34 years of age.

This is what our daughters sees, this is what they listen too, silently watching, putting every black man’s face to the one that is making our mommies cry.  This is what is spawning another generation of bitter, Black Women. This is what continues the cycle of the destruction of the Black family.

Eve can be reached by email : e.adams@theblackintel.com