I’m grown and have been for a while now, so when comes to getting my “freak on” I gets it in, that means, I push my limitations sexually, and in this case electronically. No, not everyone gets the “business” but it does get doled out from time to time. Now with this disclaimer out of the way I shall get to the real grime.

A couple days ago I received a surprise irate message from some one I used to know. This man (I use this term loosely) was mad because unbeknownst to me, he sent to me a request for a pretty big favor via instant messenger. I never received the first message, so I never responded, which caused him to react immaturely. Against my better judgment I sent a reprimanding response to his second message for his childish tantrum, in which he decided to continue with his “you’re stupid, I’m better than you…blah blah blah” tirade and to spice things up “oh an your video is on some amatuer porn sites so don’t be surprised if you do get recognized lol!” This is an actual quote from the message that I was sent.

I am not going to lie, a part of me got a little embarrassed, but then I remember thinking, wow, people still use that as a threat? I mean, this is not a solo video at all, he is very much present…and dare i say vocally enjoying the sexual acts being performed. So if he is not embarrassed with putting a video out with his “junk” prominently displayed, and comical audible satisfaction, why should I be. The video itself is over 5 years old, he still has it and quite frequently watches it, as he has admitted to me in the past, thinking that would turn me on in some way. We were never a couple, and over the past years when the urge to be “boo’d” up surfaced, he never was a prospect. Now I will admit that me stating this probably reflects poorly on me as much as him, but hey I’m grown, I can admit my mistakes. Five years ago I was definitely in a different state of mind.
I also realized that the initial panic that you get from that “threat” is not one of being in trouble but one of being told that you are horrible. I’m sure all of us think we know a thing or two in the sack and to have this notion be up for public review is kind of frightening. In my case the fear was short lived, because my “co-star” definitely wasn’t putting in much work.

With all these stars making careers out of their sex tape exploitation, can the threat of a release even be scary now a days? What it really sounds like he’s saying is “I’m going to give you a different fan base!” I mean if he actually has or does decide to go through with this I guess be on the look out for the “Bombshell-Affairs” on the E! Channel Ala “Keeping up with the Kardasians.”

No but seriously just as a public service announcement to all of you, the only time the threat of a tape will cause a scandal of any sort is if the recording contains; a highly ranked/known government officials, A teeny bopper celebrity, some sort of homosexual activity (Strictly for the fellas) and some group sex type activity with a budding star.

But how about this, how about enjoy whatever sexual activity you get from someone and when its over its over. Trying to throw sexual acts whether actually documented or not in some one’s face is a testament to how weak you are as an individual and also screams that you are not OVER them. You come across as being bitter, to more than half of your viewers and your sexual performance rating may actually end up causing you more embarrassment than you planned, can you say BACKFIRE?

so…in the past week or so i have been having an ongoing convo with a  dear friend…no brother of mine who is an awesome guy…college educated…great sense of humor…incredibly intelligent…great dad…cool on the dance floor (hehe)…just an all around good guy (yes he has his flaws but dont we all?)…in the same time…well actually longer…i have been having a similar convo with my sister…the topic at hand you ask?  why (full) Black on (full) Black love very seldom last in our generation…a friend of mine posted an
article of a (full) Black on (full) Black couple who had been married for 84 years…me being in my…eehh er um…mid to late 20’s…ive already missed that option (i would have to live to be over

100!)…shoot…many of us can barely make the year mark…so here i have copied and pasted my response to my broham after he commented on my post assuming i was trying to say it was all the mans fault…quite contrary…i am definitely NOT one of those man hating women who thinks women are totally free of blame from all failed relationships…after all…there are always two sided to every story…enjoy…more to come…

…you need a hug? LOL!…i was not assigning any blame in this post (however…if you look down a few post…feel free to answer the question posed to men, hehe…) i was simply saying instead of sistas giving up all hope and calling it quits…look to the elder for inspiration…cause…its possible! though for many of us we are too old to hit that good 84 year mark…and i am not one to always side with women when it comes to failed relationships…i like to look at BOTH sides! so HA! yes…we hold on to things because those things affect us deeply while you all just dont give a rats a$$ at times (unless she sleeps with another man, then all hell breaks lose!)…men…no brothas need to realize that Black women are just as
sensitive, emotional, gentle and vulnerable as any other woman and should be treated with the utmost respect and care because JUST like you all are dealing with “the Black man struggle” (which i am not at
all discrediting, because i know you all have it hard) we have our own struggles and at the end of the day look to our men for understanding, compassion, and love. but i think you all are SO quick to think that just because we are strong Black women we dont need and yearn for those things. THATS where the fighting begins….neither side wants to be vulnerable and understanding of the others plight in the world…until we can do that for one another and learn to EFFECTIVELY communicate…we will never make it to the 84 year mark. this was a lot…but you know you cant make a statement like that without me coming back! LOL! see ya tonight broham!

*to clarify…i have (full) in parenthesis because for a lot of Black men…mixed women are replacing full Black women in their feeble attempt to say “she is Black…her daddy is Black”…or “she
identifies with Black”…i think and FULL Black woman can tell you that the treatment of a mixed race woman is 9 times out of 10 very different than that of a FULL Black woman based solely on the
assumptions and standards held by not only Black men, but Black
women…but thats for next month!

~stay classy

To see the full news story or the blog click here

one of the things i love most about facebook are the videos my friends post…for the most part they offer a few cheap laughs to make the day a little easier…less stressed…then there are the ones that make you think…the ones that touch your heart and make life seem cold, hard, unfair, scary and dismal…especially if you are Black…such was the case today…when the first video i saw was that of the senseless murder of 16 year old Derrion Albert at the hands of 5 young Black males…ranging from 16-19 years of age…witnesses say that the young honor student saw a friend of his under attack by several gang members and in an effort to help instead of stand on the sidelines shouting obscenities and cheering the nonsense on…he stepped up….stood up…and got beat down…never to stand up again…he did what everyone else should have done…and paid the ultimate price…being the ONLY casualty in a senseless, ongoing war that will never end until we ALL begin to take a stand…he was in his own, small scale way a modern day martyr for what is right…for his community…for his people…he is what we need to be…we need to channel the strength, pride, courage and love of self from our ancestors and begin to take back our communities…we need to be the modern day martyrs our ancestors were during the abolishment of slavery and the civil rights movements…we need to realize that the government is NOT going to save us…if we want change we have to take it…our ancestors gave their blood, sweat and tears, literally for us
to have the chances we have today…and what are we doing with it…throwing it away…they fought TOGETHER…with a communalistic mentality…if one of our children was in any way harmed at the hands of another… ALL of our children were…that is why they were so powerful because
they functioned as a whole…a collective…they were a village raising our grandparents, our parents…in hopes that we would raise the future leaders of the country and take advantage of everything they never had… I look at my friends children and i don’t just see them as ‘their’ children…but as my little niece or nephew…as a child that I am responsible for looking after and caring for when he goes out into this harsh world…it is just as much my responsibility to encourage, nurture, guide and love that child as it is their parents…so today when i saw the video and read the article regarding Derrion Albert…the pain i felt was as if he were my own flesh and blood…we need to wake up and stand up against the nonsense…violence is NOT the answer…nor is jail…yes…these young men need to be detained…but while being detained
they need psychological help…they need for us to realize that their actions are crys for attention…a need for something better…they need for us to step in and take over where their parents failed them…their parents need for us to get in their ass and guide them on how to be a proactive, supportive, nurturing parents and not just their ‘friend’, if they are that…those of us who are ‘making it’ need to come off out
of our shell…extend a hand and pull the rest of us of are not ‘making it’ up…the days of saying ‘they don’t want any help’ are over…they want help they just don’t know how to go about asking for it…pride is
a dangerous thing that leads them to early graves…we need to escape from our individualistic, pass the blame, self hatred, im better than you because i have xyz state of mind and realize we are all the same
at the end of the day and without the help of our brothers and sisters we ALL fail.

*****i am trying to mobilize a day of solidarity in honor of all of
the young men and women killed by senseless acts of violence as well
as ongoing mentorship programs for these young men and women…if anyone
is interested and/or has any ideas as to how to make this vision a
successful reality in a step towards bettering our communities…please
feel free to contact me.*****

lastly…hug all of your loved ones…tell them you love them…encourage them…support them…cherish every second of everyday…and from here on out…smile…nod…maybe even say hello when you see a fellow Black person on the street…you never know what the next person is going through…it
just may brighten their perspective on life…smiling is contagious…i believe compassion and love is too…

R.I.P. Mr. Derrion Albert and all of our other modern day martyrs…

“the most potent weapon in the hand of the OPPRESSOR is the MIND of
the OPPRESSED…”  -Steven Biko

~stay classy

Written by “The Bombshell”

“It is a well known fact that in our culture the shops; hair salons/braid spots and barbershops, are more than just places we go every two weeks or so to revive our ‘sexy.’ The shops are places where the sexes convene to gossip, discuss and debate. Where, in a panel like discussion, each generation represents their point of view on current events. Where many of us put a human face to the negative statistics that are plaguing our community. Statistics such as; rising numbers in single-parent households, increasing unemployment rates, leading the nation in new HIV cases and etcetera. We also get advice on almost every aspect of our lives, be it sound or unsound. The Shop, it is a fixture in every African-American community.”

I was introduced into the salon life at the early age of five.  It has remained a routine part of my existence ever since.  As any seasoned “salon-diva” knows, with a new stylist comes a new shop and new chatter.  Most of the things I have seen, learned, heard and discussed with in the salon walls have helped mold me into becoming the woman I am today.  Which, upon my last visit, has given me a very important question to ponder: “Are bitter women largely at fault for the increasing disembodiment of our men and women relations, by knowingly passing on their negativity towards our men to other women?”  I can hear the grunts of disgust from the women readers now. Before you blow off this blog, do me a favor, read on.

As I am engaging in the normal shop chat I share with the ladies, who are both relatively close to my age, unwed and single-parents; most of my close friends are men.  For the most part when girlfriends come to the shop they’re no problems, however recently that has not been the case.  For some reason one girlfriend just could not find it in her heart to like me; and before I could even finish my statement these, seemingly happy women, transformed before my eyes, verbally sparring with each other to be first to “educate” me.

“Men are animals, every man you meet wants to have sex with you!  They all cheat, no matter what you believe.  To them nothing is better than a new woman.  His girlfriend should not like you, and I would not like you either, it’s only a matter of time before he cheats on her and you will be the first option.”

The insults and stories kept coming, amid my vain attempts of being a positive voice of reason for “the brothers” I found myself being surrounded with the classic chat “n*ggas’ ain’t [expletive]!”  I left the shop shaken, shocked and just plain confused.  I understand that these women have come across some bad apples, but so does everyone, it is just the nature of relationships.  But what has made the majority of Black women so bitter? Even more important why are black women not realizing how this affects them in the long run?

“An even more alarming statistic is the increase in the number of both Black men and women who have never been married. Nearly 45 percent of Black men have never married and 42 percent of Black women have never married. More to the point, an increasing number of Black women will never get married. The percentage of Black women who are married declined from 62 percent to 31 percent between 1950 and 2002,” says Joy Bennett Kinnon in her article entitled “The shocking state of Black marriages: experts say many will never get married.”   This article goes on to list very important factors as to why this number is where it is, unemployment, drugs, the systemic incarceration of our community and the AIDS crisis.   While all of these are very heavy and damaging, I believe that more time should be put into exploring just how much the bitterness of our women aides these numbers, as well.  The bitter Black women are emasculating our men.  Accusing them of being nothing more than animals that can not control their sexual drive, the very thing that was depicted in the 1915 silent film “Birth of a Nation,” this film that horrifies and disgusts our race whenever it is viewed.

Now there are plenty of bad “brothers” out there; I am in no way denying this fact.  I have had my heart broken a few times myself.  I am merely wondering how does it help being bitter and chopping down every Black Man’s worth within relationship standards, besides leaving you alone.  Well maybe not alone, but dealing with a man that is not deserving of you just to be in a “relationship,” just to feel like you are still a contender for that “brass ring.” Or even worse settling for a man that thinks he is a “player,” checking his cell phones, cursing out “hoochies” and spying on a man at 34 years of age.

This is what our daughters sees, this is what they listen too, silently watching, putting every black man’s face to the one that is making our mommies cry.  This is what is spawning another generation of bitter, Black Women. This is what continues the cycle of the destruction of the Black family.

Eve can be reached by email : e.adams@theblackintel.com